Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
