I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
