I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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