Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
