don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
