just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize