allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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