Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
