My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He shit in the fireplace
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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