She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
