Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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