Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Drunk is a universal language darling
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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