You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
