When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize