Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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