so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
