I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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