We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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