My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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