I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
