when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
