sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
