talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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