I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
