Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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