In America we eat man semen.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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