I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
