i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
