You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
