When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
