I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
