what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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