Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
