Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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