I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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