I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
