I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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