We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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