Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize