Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
