Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
