Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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