Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So squirting runs in the family.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize