I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
