Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
