sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
