Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
