I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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