you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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