dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize