I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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