i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
