he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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