I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
