I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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