mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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