i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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