I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
