dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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