I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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