i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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