Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
