I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
