k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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