Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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