you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
