If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
