your thong is hanging out like whoa
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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