that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
