My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
