I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
