Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
