Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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