Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
