i jhust puked up my retainher.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
