the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
